PRISCILLA RUFFIN & EAST END HOSPICE

Over 20 Years of Compassionate Care

STORY BY Marueen Traxler
Cover Photo by Christine Conniff Sheahan

Life’s end presents difficult challenges, especially if someone is terminally ill or in need of constant care. Family and friends might be overwhelmed, confused or tired. It’s a blessing to have an angel on your side.

“I’ve seen the strength of families,” says Priscilla Ruffin, president and CEO of East End Hospice (EEH). “Most just need a little help.” Ruffin, a registered nurse looking for an opportunity to work in the community, answered a “help wanted” ad in 1990, posted by a fledgling hospice established in 1986 to minister to friends and neighbors seeing loved ones through their final days. Within one year, she took the East End Hospice to state certification, and began building a host of angels who are continuing the EEH mission.

“Once everyone realizes that we will take the patient’s blood pressure, call the doctor, order the hospital bed and the medication, and handle the administrative burdens including medical forms, they can go back to being family…it’s a great relief,” Ruffin pointed out.

Heavenly helpers
The first and only hospice to serve people living in the five East End towns of East Hampton, Shelter Island, Southampton, Southold, Riverhead and the eastern part of Brookhaven, East End Hospice has assisted more than 6,500 patients, provided advocacy and guidance to countless others, and cared for patients with cancer, AIDS, heart disease, Lou Gehrig’s disease, emphysema, liver disease and Alzheimer’s. Services provide social and spiritual support for patients, their families and loved ones. A nurse-coordinated team of health professionals and volunteers designs a plan of care including home health aides, visits by a registered nurse, medical social work, medical equipment and supplies, short-term hospital care, respite care and bereavement counseling. No one is denied care because of inability to pay.

Suzanne Watson, an EEH patient for just two months before her death from cancer, described how hospice helped her and her boyfriend deal with death’s separation: “Although no one can take away our hurt of losing one another, we can talk about it a little easier.”

Compassionate care is all in a day’s work for the EEH staff of about 50 full- and part-timers, plus a corps of 125 volunteers. Speaking of the bond that develops between patients, their families and the hospice, Denise Civiletti recalled the circumstances following her mom’s death on Easter Sunday. Within half an hour, the on-call nurse arrived: a robust lady in a purple chiffon shawl with a feathery black pom-pom clasp. Despite the situation, Denise burst out laughing, and she said, “SuAnn laughed right with me, and just started talking with us about what we’d just been through and how special it was to go to the next life on Easter Sunday…she put us all immediately at ease.”

Ruffin says that “anybody can call” for hospice. Quite often, “the call comes from the person who is ill, but family members, friends and physicians can make contact. The more difficult question is when is the right time to call? “It’s different for every person,” says Ruffin. Older people have a more realistic view and want to prepare for themselves and their families when the time comes; yet she notes, “for younger people who have fought the good fight, it’s a tougher decision to make.”

“We never have a waiting list. We never refer a patient out,” Ruffin affirmed in a “Making a Difference” article in the East Hampton Star. “It’s never too late. We’ll do what we need to do.”

Volunteer program
Volunteer coordinator Faith Tiner has been characterized as a cross between a guidance counselor and an admissions officer. She helps conduct interviews with volunteers and matches them with patients. Each fall, new volunteers participate in an eight-week training program, designed by Ruffin, which instructs volunteers in all aspects of caring for the terminally ill, from palliative care to the law. East End Hospice’s generous-spirited volunteers are essential to the agency’s work. They are trained to hold a hand, listen, take a patient out for short trips, tidy the house, relieve caregivers, and provide a welcoming and comforting presence.

While Ruffin notes that volunteers have “natural empathy,” she tries to help them adopt what is called “professional intimacy, the ability to be warm, genuine and caring when in contact with terminally ill persons; yet, reserve a bit of themselves for themselves.”

Camp Good Grief
Twelve summers ago, East End Hospice launched Camp Good Grief, a week-long summer camp for children who have experienced the loss of a primary caregiver, close relative or friend. The idea for such a camp where children could participate in crafts, walks and special events, while at the same time, receive age-appropriate bereavement counseling had long been a goal of the staff—the name, however, came directly from the campers.

Located at St. Gabriel’s Spiritual Center for Youth on Shelter Island, Camp Good Grief has grown from 21 campers to 125. The day-camp arrangement works well, says Ruffin, because children go home each night to their familiar surroundings and a comforting meal with family, which relieves the stress of a day of painful emotions. Evening conversations often lead to healing dialogue.
“Children are quiet grievers,” notes Ruffin. “They are sensitive to the pain of others.” Camp activities help them find the ways and the words to express their feelings. “It’s quite an honor to serve this population,” she adds.

A couple of years ago, EEH Bereavement Coordinator Sarah Zimmerman, art therapist Rebecca DiSunno and Ruffin collaborated to write Jeremy Goes to Camp Good Grief, a young readers’ book. Jeremy, the child protagonist, doesn’t want to go at first, but learns that at camp, it’s okay to express his feelings about his mom’s death and play with other kids who’ve lost parents or caregivers. The book’s an introduction to camp life and helps adults understand how kids grieve. It has been distributed to other hospices and has been published in England, Australia and Canada. Ruffin says that East End Hospice has just finished writing a textbook chapter, which included its camp for children as a model to further that template for others.

EEH welcomes young people to join its Youth Volunteer program, an essential component of Camp Good Grief. Last spring, new bereavement groups were started at Riverhead Middle School and East Quogue Elementary School, and the Hospice has been collaborating on the establishment of a bereavement group at Peconic Bay Medical Center.

Generous giving makes it possible
Despite rising healthcare costs and dwindling reimbursements, 87-cents of every dollar donated to the nonprofit hospice goes directly to patient care, programs and services. Ruffin says the hospice has a variety of giving opportunities “to make fundraising attractive to every constituent.”

Its Thrift Shop, opened in 1997, is an integral part of both EEH’s fundraising efforts and the community. The shop at 58 Westhampton-Riverhead Road has expanded its merchandise to accommodate visitors’ needs. Donors can call 631-288-3268 for specifics.

Local businesses and community organizations have opened their hearts by fundraising through antique shows, the Oakland Restaurant and Marina Shark Tournament, Shelter Island Run, Pindar Vineyards’ Pig Roast, the Box Art Auction at the Ross School, Impulse Men’s Clothing Store’s “Shop for a Cause,” a “Day of Shopping” fundraiser at Villeroy & Boch, the annual Artists and Writers Charity Softball Game, Cocktails and Shopping at Jimmy’s Westhampton Beach, and the East End Open Tennis and Dinner Party at Sportime of the Hamptons.
In February, the annual Valentine Salon, raising funds for Camp Good Grief, welcomed more than 200 women from New York City, Connecticut and the Hamptons. The event’s highlight is the presentation of the “Good Heart” Award. Each year at the “Summer Party” at the Sandacres Estate in Quogue, East End Hospice presents its “Good Samaritan” Award to an outstanding health advocate or supporter. East Enders and visitors to the East End can take advantage of the EEH Dining Out program. Nearly 50 local restaurant owners participate generously in the discount booklet. (See www.eeh.org)

Sandy Cross, who experienced EEH’s extraordinary care, says their programs and annual events “recognize that it’s not over” after the love one passes on. “The families need an ongoing recognition of their loss and ongoing support.” This year’s Tree of Lights Celebrations—each light dedicated to the memory of a friend or loved one—will be held on Sunday, December 7 at 2:30 p.m. at the Village Green, Main Street, Westhampton Beach; the Gazebo, Herrick Park, East Hampton, and the Village Green, Main Road in Cutchogue.

Working in the community has been a “good fit” for Ruffin, RN, MS, CS, NPP, who says, “A sort of ‘home rule’ attitude prevails on the East End. East Enders feel for their friends and neighbors, and there’s a sense of wanting to be cared for by other East Enders.”